So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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