All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
