Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
