she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
