I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
