It's Friday. Sex?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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