Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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