i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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