I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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