Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
