he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
