I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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