i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
