just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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