When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Semen is not good for contacts.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
