You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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