why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
