dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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