can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
