Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
