Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
