We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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