What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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