found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
