this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
