I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I forgot wine drunk hurts
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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