I like to think it a success when the cops are called
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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