I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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