I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
