Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
