Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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