Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
