If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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