You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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