wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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