I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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