I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
