plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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