I'm eating all of the evidence.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
