I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
