i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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