Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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