so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
