so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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