I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I want her autograph on my taint
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
