I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
