I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
