I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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