omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize