i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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