Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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