Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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