I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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