i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
