K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
