dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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