I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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