So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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