You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
