...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
