My hand turned me down
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
