I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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