this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
