I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
