On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
