it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
