She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
