Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
