I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
