I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
