Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
