So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
