Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i dont even know how to be here
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
