btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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