You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
