sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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