I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
