she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
