Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
