I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
