don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
