I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
